The most precious element of your relationship is trust, and that is violated not just when you cheat, but when you lie and keep secrets about the cheating. Sure, this type of painful honesty can lead to a rough breakup. But usually, that only occurs in relationships that were not on solid footing anyway. In relationships in which there are real love and true connection, the truth is more likely to precipitate a process of healing.

More From: Cheating in Relationships

Junie Gray, a woman from Austin, Texas, told me she doubts she could find someone who “understands, supports, and loves” her like her husband does. Because people today wait longer than previous generations to get married, many simply might be selecting the actual right person for them. There’s no need to cheat when your spouse is your best friend, your soulmate, your “everything.” There’s no “one that got away”; you caught him. No matter how much you care about this married man, you can’t deny that your relationship is a “forbidden love.” Part of the reason you are attracted to him, ironically, is because he is married. It means, at some level, you are attracted to him because he’s married, not despite it.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself

For a while, the only reason why you stayed together was that you couldn’t admit to each other that your marriage was doomed to fail. You tried to avoid the inevitable even though you knew it was impossible. When things aren’t meant to be, there’s not much we can do to change them. So, if your marriage fell apart, the only reasonable move you could make was to allow yourself to let go and move on. You grieve for a while and then you realize that you must get up and keep walking forward. Your husband did exactly that so there’s nothing to resent him for.

However, you may confide in someone, or someone might find out that you have a secret relationship. Friends, roommates, or even the landlord may get a whiff of the relationship and talk about it either openly or in hushed tones. Marriage is the penultimate form of a committed and loyal relationship, while a relationship with a married man is considered a social taboo. You will have to face emotional, legal, and financial issues and become “the other woman” in a married man’s life. Having a crush on married men is quite common. However, rushing into a relationship is often a roller coaster of emotions where you risk hurting yourself and complicating the lives of the people around you.

You will get through this…I suggest see a professional counselor to work through these feelings you have about it and, get it sorted out. It’s not just the fact she slept with someone, it’s the fact she lied to you about it all these years… So sorry you are going through this….must be terrible. BUT resentment is a real relationship killer so please seek out one on one counseling. All we can give is reassurance…you need more than that. If they were dating and the woman wanted to be sexually active and the man was holding out for marriage I would be the first to tell him that it serves him right.

Finally, you two feel inseparable but not happy because you know the relationship has no future as he is married. Creating boundaries around emotional cheating isn’t easy, because a lot of the behaviors involved often show up in close friendships. But in the back of my mind, I sometimes feel like he really liked her more than me, but since she wasn’t available he settled for me. Or that she was hotter than me, she was the one who got away, the one he always lusted after. It’s really killing my self-esteem every time I picture them.

Hara Estroff Marano gives advice on rebuilding trust with a cheating wife and how to find a loving (non-abusive) husband.

A separation can get rough, especially when the marriage was in a bad place for a long period of time. Maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on because the pain was getting unbearable. He was a part of that same marriage that’s now falling apart, which only means that he must be hurting the same way you do. I understand where you’re coming from, especially if the separation is still fresh. Months ago, you made a decision that was about to change the rest of your life.

Ashley Madison is one of the best-known sites for members looking for something discreet outside of their marriages. They are the first to go mainstream with the idea of married dating sites and garnered a lot of controversy as a result. There was also a high-profile security breach years back which made those considering the website very nervous. Now that the affair is over, you two have the opportunity to see yourselves and each other much more clearly and realistically. That’s all understandable—many people have doubts about their relationships, and better to discuss them before buying a house together.

If you’re struggling with these questions, don’t worry – you’re not alone. Along with his acting career, Shue also played professional soccer for Zimbabwe’s Bulawayo Highlanders and was the only white player in the Zimbabwe Premier Soccer League. He also played one game with the Los Angeles United of Continental Indoor Soccer League in 1993 and two games with the Anaheim Splash in 1994. Shue played five more games with the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer, where he had one assist, in 1996. He retired in 1997 after he spent the whole season on injured reserve. Shue is also the co-founder and on the board of directors of the nonprofit organization DoSomething, which motivates young people to make positive change both online and offline.

It’s also a great selection for the older single men who are looking to date younger women. I hate that I was involved with him for so long while he had a girlfriend and kept breaking his promises of leaving her, but it felt bigger than any relationship I ever had and it truly is. Still, it worries me that he was capable of doing this. I can’t help but think he’s going to do the same thing to me. The difference Wolfinger is picking up on, she said, seems to be just that people over 50 are simply older and possibly have been married longer, so they’ve had more opportunities to cheat.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life.



Comments are closed